If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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