Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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