last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize