Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
