Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
