You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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