No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
