non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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