i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
MIDGETS
????
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
