Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
