you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize