Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
