i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
