your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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