I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
