i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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