i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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