Pants 0. Shit 1.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
