Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
