apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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