I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
