I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
