we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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