Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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