i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
