i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
