This is not my ceiling
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
