I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
