I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
