You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
