We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
