I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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