I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
