no, he came in my armpit
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
