yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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