i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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