I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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