can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
