Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
