morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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