Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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