I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
