I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
