just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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