I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize