i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
