im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
