Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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