He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
