So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
