Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
