I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
