i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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