So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
