So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
