I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
