Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
