The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
