theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
