some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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