Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
