I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
