the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
