Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize