I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
