fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
