4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
