Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
