i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
