Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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