His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there was a trapeze. enough said
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
