Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I looked at my own cervix.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
