I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
