i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
