If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Randomize
