I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
