mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
