The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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