Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
