JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
