Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I want her autograph on my taint
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
