All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
