Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
did i walk over a car last night?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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